God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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