nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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