Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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