I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
