you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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