I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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