she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
