im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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