Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Be still, my beating vagina.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
