I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my shit smells like andre
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
did you just send me my own nude
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
