She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
