I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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