I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
