this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
