Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
