FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
