i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
