Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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