Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im holly from the hills drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
