My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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