If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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