mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
