Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
