Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
