Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
