I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
