Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
