i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
