Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
