I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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