Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
