If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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