i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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