Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
