So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
