I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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