A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just threw up on my dentist
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
