We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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