is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
