what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
