Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
