Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
