Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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