My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
