When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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