Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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