Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
