I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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