turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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