one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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