I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
