Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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