i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
